I had heard about the Silent Night remake all the way back during it’s production. I had always found it weird that Anchor Bay was going out of it’s way to make a movie with the “star power” that was afforded to them at this time. I also, however, had become jaded with what horror had become.
See, starting around 2003 horror began seeing a rise in the “remake”. At first, they were innocent and even pretty good, Willard, and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre being two examples from that year. As time went on, they got longer in the tooth, and by 2010’s release of A Nightmare on Elm Street, everything hit a brick wall. Sure, a few films trickled out, but for the most parts platinum dunes KILLED the mainstream horror remake. And I’m sure the modern fad of making everything BLUE didn’t help either.
Fast forward 2 years later and Silent Night is released. I avoided it, like the plague. I’m a fan of 4 out of the 5 films in the Silent Night Deadly Night series (4 isn’t that great, has nothing to do with the series, and is probably a fine stand alone film out of the context. I have the inability to see it like that, sorry!) As a matter of a fact, I LOVE Christmas horror. It’s probably my favorite sub-genre of horror, as it makes for such a striking and unsettling backdrop to such dark concepts. The Lights, the way everything pops is AMAZING!
This year, after watching Terrifier 3 and hearing people say the team behind it are doing another remake, I decided to finally give this one a go. I watched it with my partner, like usual, and he had to put up with hearing me complain, like usual. (Thanks hon, One of the joys of watching movies at home is venting my frustration, truly)
I had no idea just how MUCH he’d hear me complain, though.
SPOILERS INCOMING
Silent Night is barely a remake of the film it stole half the name of. It decides to pick and choose specific things from the original film and inserts them at random points. I have NO Idea why they decided to keep any of those scenes, though, because it has nothing to do with the story at hand. What Silent Night is, is a fan made sequel to the real life murders of Bruce Jeffrey Pardo. Bruce was the killer in the VERY REAL Covina Christmas Massacre from 2008. This film came out in 2012, so that incident was only 4 years old when this was released, by the way.
While this film has some decent kills, it ultimately doesn’t do much to string the film along. Mixed with this, is some of the most insufferable people I have had the misfortune of seeing in a film. Sure, I get that we are supposed to want to see some of these people die, but it’s way too thick. Either the writer knew nothing about subtlety, or he lives in a fictional universe that was conjured up by Rob Zombie.
Speaking of the ol Rob, one of his key actors is the SHINING point in this film. Malcom McDowell plays a sheriff that lacks any self awareness. He’s spouting one liners, he’s acting like a bad ass, and he’s really bad at it. The sheriff, mind you. I think Malcom was playing the character a specific way, and it really is the only shining point in the film. Sure, there was a lot of B-Star power, one of my favorites Donal Louge is even in this. Unfortunately, all of these actors played their characters straight, and the writing is terrible.
Also, earlier, do you remember when I was talking about WHY I liked Christmas horror? Well, this film is devoid of most of that. A drab, blue color pallet and day for night shots make it confusing what time of day it even is at most points. No harsh white snow, no bright over saturated Christmas lights. No blood contrasted on white snow. This film misses that mark on EVERY point. I seriously am at a loss at this choice. That, and the lens flair, dear GOD the lens flair in this movie makes it impossibe to see. Sometimes, it takes up over HALF of the screen, and the flash lights are pointed right at me. I know I have a astigmatism, but it’s not THAT bad.
The last thing I want to touch on, is the killer. The killer is literally the son this story’s analog to Bruce Jeffrey Pardo. He’s quite through the entire film, except the one time he speaks. He should say PUNISH, right? Because that’s what Billy said. WRONG. He says “Not Nice!” way to be different for NO REASON, guys. We are supposed to just accept that he somehow has the supernatural power to know who is being naughty and who is being nice. He also has gps tracking for those people, how convenient!
Overall, my apprehensions were founded. Silent Night falls into the tropes of the horror remakes of the time, and is an overly dark, drab, miserable watch. From it’s nonsensical writing, to the poor color direction, misuse of great actors, and it’s abundance of lens flare, I think this film acts as a masterclass in what NOT to do. If your remake, or film in general, show any shades of this one, you’ve likely done something horribly wrong.
